Potato Of The Day Episode 48

apricotbutt LOL, this apricot has an old man’s butt!

The end.

[Siya’s note: Uh, Ben… We need SIGNIFICANTLY more than ten words for this post.]

Damn it. Okay, that’s fair, but let me explain myself first! I totally wrote more than ten words to start. Initially, I went ahead and brainstormed some names for an apricot with an old man’s butt using weak puns. My favorites were apriBUTT, ASSpricot, and apriCRACK. Then I was all like what if we dig a little deeper and get scientific up in this post? That led me to the solid gold waters of PruANUS armeniaca and Prunus armeniaCAN. Then I was all like, well apricots are basically peaches and that gave me PeaCHEEKes. At that point, WHY NOT TANGERINES? So TUSHYgerines became a really disappointing thing that I wrote on purpose. Then I looked down and got startled because, right at that moment, I was totally jumping the shark.

So I backed it up! I withdrew myself from apripuns (I LIED JUST NOW, DID YOU CATCH THAT? WINK!) and dove into a twisting, long form narrative. I laid out the framework for a harrowing tale of fruit turned monstrosity, a horrid self-devouring entity, an Ouroboros werewolf forever howling at its own moon. But then I realized that entire premise is just a weak mash-up of the zomberry and Uranus posts from earlier in the week. That made me sad. So I took a bite out of that apricot. Then I gagged a little bit because I pictured taking a bite out of an old man’s ass. Then I thought about writing a long, flowing poetic interpretation of cannibalism, but then I realized I’ve already written about cannibalism. So I ate more and more of that apricot, until there was nothing left but the seed. I stared at it for longer than I care to admit, when I was suddenly kicked in my own ass by an apropiphany (Apricot and ephiphany. Yes, I know these are getting weak.) about how that seed sort of looked like snot, BUT THEN I REALIZED THAT’S LITERALLY WHAT I WROTE ABOUT YESTERDAY.

As you can imagine, it’s pretty frustrating to have nothing but terrible, recycled ideas smoldering in your brain. But I try to view myself in the holiest of glowing lights. I’m a narcissist, remember? So I geared back up and was all ugh, fine, whatever, LET’S DO THIS THING. And promptly cranked out the following post: