World War Zoo: You Can’t Tell This Weiner Dog How To Live Its Life, Man

Siya and I have debated the definitely-not-happening animal uprising, World War Zoo, in this space many, many times before. But this may be the first time I’ve actually had to concede a point to Siya. He’s right: our pets are breaking free. But not to start a war with humans. No, that would be ridiculous and require organization and planning that our neocortex-less counterparts just aren’t capable of. Instead our furry friends are breaking free for the right reasons. Because they can, man. Because they can.

Look at that dog run! Look how free he looks! Look how HAPPY he is! You can’t tell him NOTHING. He’s gonna run the bases and ya’ll can just wait for him to be done running. Look at those little legs! Look at that tiny tongue! Look at that wild weiner! That’s a one pooch party. What’s up shortstop; you ain’t fielding this grounder! See ya, later security; can’t cuff this canine! Oh hey pet owner; can’t leash the beast! The PARTY beast!

They said it was to be a short race for a bunch of short dogs. But dude, you can’t tell tell that dog how to live its life. That dog’s decided for himself, thank you very much.