Hello again! I hope you enjoyed the summer movie season. Fall is approaching, and with it the return of flying footballs. Since our popular society is built around the sports schedule, it’s inevitably time for football fans around the world to seek out Bleacher Report-sponsored glimmers of hope before that same false hope takes a steaming shit on their face. Like a massive one. Like one of those shits that will start burning through the floor like the acid blood in Alien. All our teams suck.
For the majority of us whose teams are headed for the inevitable disappointing season (and the swelling group that doesn’t give a fuck to begin with), there is hope! Escape to the movies! Fall marks the start of Oscar Season, where studios release potential award suitors alongside their fading summer leftovers, making it the perfect opportunity to hide away from the pains of sport.
Ben’s on vacation so we enlisted the help of our former radio intern friend, Leland, to help preview some summer movies that might or might not suck.
I love movies. I went to school for movies, I actually spend money to go OUT and see movies, and I love to critique them. I’m not going to create a podcast about how much I love movies like Doug. I’m also not going to give myself cancer from years of choosing what to do with my thumbs after movies like Roger. I am simply going to go see movies and hopefully enjoy them. And probably not invite Siya.
For this reason, my favorite movie season is during the summer where the popcorn is a plenty and the mindless action is front and center. No laughably pretentious indie films (The name of Zach Braff’s artistic ability called Wish I Was Here), no putting-your-fingers-under-your-friend’s-nose-after-getting-lucky-styled-Oscar-bait (Sorry Birdman, I was happy to see you pretend not to edit at home), and no studio produced, between season, face-farting (Fuck you, Chappie. I liked District 9, too).
Like most other blogs and websites leading into the summer season, I could give you a list of films that I CAN’T WAIT FOR. AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON! MAD MAX: FURY ROAD! JURASSIC WORLD! TOMORROWLAND! INSIDE OUT! ANT-MAN! Maybe even FANTASTIC FOUR…Oh fuck, that didn’t take long at all. I could go over these films in more detail but that’s boring, you’re probably going to go see them anyway. Instead I’m going to go over my “TOP FIVE TERRIBLE SOUNDING (BUT POTENTIALLY INTERESTING) SUMMER MOVIES!” and hopefully you’ll find one that tickles your fancy. [Ben’s note: Also I’m going to pop in from time to time and say some shit because this is my blog and I’m bad at vacationing. PLOT TWIST.]
Maggie (May 8), starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Abigail Breslin aka the terrible dancing girl in Little Miss Sunshine. Directed by Henry Hobson, Written by John Scott.
I’m writing this entire preview before Maggie comes out, but by the time it’s on the blog, Maggie will be in theaters. Ignore everything I’ve written here if word comes out it sucks. I may have just made fun of independent movies but this one seems way too beyond amazing to pass up. Arnie is a father in the Midwest whose daughter becomes infected by a zombie virus. Instead of going Rambo (Oh, I mean going Predator? How about going Last Action Hero?) on some zombie asses, the former World’s Strongest Man decides instead to Continue reading Top 5 Terrible Sounding Movies With Potential
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