Watch How To Trap A BumbleBee And Take Cheap Shots At Your Team

I didn’t choose the blog life, the blog life chose me! This can be stressful – especially when your co-writer’s an English major grammar-Nazi:

But, as the saying goes “sticks and stones may break ya bones, but bumblebees will sting the $hit out of your double grammar-queen face”…How’s that, BEN? Does THAT pass your final edit!!! So, when you find your place of peaceful contemplation, and a perpetratin-ass-bumblebee is ALL up in ya… BeezNess, what do you do?

Well, we’re here for you, friendly readers. Here’s a Step by step plan of attack:
1. First pick a tool for the problem:

2. Okay, maybe the tool ain’t enough. It’s one thing to TRAP a bumblebee but, if you wanna walk away with your eyeballs in tact and stinger-free, you better pick a SMARTER tool… So retreat, and dodge like Mayweather:

3. Here we go. This one’s CLEAR. Why? So you can see the buzzing beast bounce around before he pounces at your head like a face-hugger from the Alien movies!

YEA…THATS WHY:

4. Trap him with a paper on top. It was windy out, so I used thin cardboard. This African is takin NO chances. He might hate you at this point, the Lil Bee might even wanna go kamikaze on your family, but when he sees you were setting him free. He’ll thank you:

That, or he’ll go get trapped in another screened porch like an idiot, meet his fate in the beak of a lucky bird becoming (wait for it) Buzzfeed, or use his legs in a flower orgy in the sweet sweet looove makin act of pollination. Bee easy, Pimpin!

Bobbing for Apple: Will Apple Music Float Or Sink?

On Monday, Apple unveiled plans to enter the music streaming service arena, debuting their design for Apple Music. Naturally, we disagree on how successful this streaming service will be. 

Ben
By Apple standards, Apple music is going to tank. They’re just way too far behind the Spotify cocaine bag.

Siya
Ya think??? I wholeheartedly disagree.

Ben
There’s nothing differentiating it from the other services. It’s the same music at the same price point. So why should I switch? All my playlists are already built on other platforms. You think I have the time to rebuild Morning Commutes on that shit? No. I barely have time to post this week.

Siya
1. They have hundreds of millions of users already vertically connected via devices, and iTunes Store accounts ALREADY (complete with credit cards.) That’s HALF the battle.

JR Smith And Analogies: A Chat That Goes Awry

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Ben
I spent all night brainstorming about JR Smith, but it looks like you already covered it. Normal grammar and capitalization caveats aside, that Cav’s celebration post was a dope format. I give it two JR Smiths out of ten lampshades.  That’s mathematically off the party charts.

Siya
Clearly… because JR Smith is a nuclear reactor.

Ben
Truth. JR Smith is to life as a bullet is to dessert.

Post 101: I’ll Teach You How To Stunt, BEN!

Here’s a question, kids – know how you eat a whole whale? One bite at a time, lil Benny!

Rome wasn’t built in one day, Benny-Boy! It was a bunch of days. A lot more than 100 days, in fact. Took a lot more than 100 people. Probably more than 100 bricks. So excuse me if I’m not breakin out the $8 champagne on this beautiful Monday morning.  This oolong tea will do just fine. Know where that’s from, Ben? CHINA. Know what they got there? The GREAT WALL OF CHINA. That’s another thing that took a lot more than 100 ANYTHING to build. If you look at a section of the Great Wall you may find it “meh”… maybe not that “consistent or regular”, in some parts.

That high-fashion sweatshirt pictured above? Name ya size, and it’ll be at your doorstep sooner than later as a reminder. A reminder of what’s important. It’s a marathon, not a RACE! [Although… a marathon is technically a race, that just takes way way longer. Sooo yea its a race, but… well, as some overzealous sailor-mouthed jackass aptly put it, “talking about race is pretty *uckin complicated“.]

So, we’ll save it for now.  We won’t talk about your consistent and regular “forgetting to publish” of my unfinished Lorde’s Day ON the sabbath , or your complete negligence and downplay of the serious animal control issues looming in the background of all that our faithful readers need to be aware off.

P.S.
About that Aaron Hernandez post… you’re just jealous because it KILLED with the people! That’s a pun, look forward to a lot more than 100 of those. Carry On.

This Is Our 100th Post But It’s Not A Good One

WE WENT ZERO TO ONE HUNDRED [REDACTED BY SIYA BECAUSE WE BOTH AGREE I SHOULDN’T BE USING THAT WORD EVEN THOUGH IN THIS INSTANCE IT WOULD BE A QUOTE AND MAYBE THAT’S ACCEPTABLE USAGE, BUT THEN AGAIN I DIDN’T ACTUALLY USE ANY QUOTATION MARKS SO IT’S NOT REALLY A QUOTE IT’S JUST ME CO-OPTING HIP HOP CULTURE WHICH IS ARGUABLY PROBLEMATIC IN AND OF ITSELF,  OR PERHAPS IT’S NOT IF I’M NOT MISREPRESENTING THE CULTURE, BUT EITHER WAY THIS WORD HAS BEEN REDACTED AND TALKING ABOUT RACE IS PRETTY FUCKING COMPLICATED] REAL QUICK.

Can you believe it? We’ve done 100 posts. WE’RE KEEPING IT ONE HUNDRED RIGHT NOW. Bask in our Benjamin Franklin, our centennial, our Billboard Chart. No one said we couldn’t do it! But no one said we could either! So this is an in-your-face to our haters the indifferent masses. We’re going to keep bringing you Potatoes Of The Day, and Ben’s Diaries, and Morning Commutes, and oh, hey there Siya, I was just talking about how we’re keeping it 100, and not all just promoting the regular posts that I write. No, no, Siya, you just keep doing what you’re doing, not posting anything on a regularly scheduled basis. Yeah man, it’s cool. People don’t want or expect consistency. Oh, yeah man that listicle post of Aaron Hernandez memes was… great.  Really, it was totally… high-brow. Oh, what’s that Siya, you think it’s a little unfair of me to be pretending to have a conversation with you? You think I could have consulted you first before posting something about our 100th post? You think maybe you could have contributed to this more if you were actually co-writing this piece instead of having your part ghost-written by me? WELL I THINK YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST SENT ME A HUNDRED CONGRATULATORY 100 EMOJIS FOR OUR 100TH POST YOU INSENSITIVE, CELEBRATION HATING ASS.

You guys, 100 posts. THAT’S A LOT MORE THAN ZERO. It’s also a lot less than a million. THIS WHOLE THING HAS ME SO EMOTIONAL THAT I’M GOING TO GO LISTEN TO SOME DRAKE.

Thought Experiment: What If Puff Daddy Was Really A Pufferfish?

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Ben
So it turns out Puff Daddy has an animated show in development, described as South Park in inner-city Detroit. Couple of things here, Siya.  1.) Comparing your show to South Park right out of the gate is recipe for cancellation.  2.) It still has to be better than Mike Tyson’s low-rent Scooby-Doo knockoff.  3.) I don’t really care about this. I just wanted to set-up a thought experiment with you. So dude, what if Puff Daddy was really a pufferfish?  THINK ABOUT IT!

Siya
First of all, if you’re gonna go there, the image should be a pufferfish, with Puffy’s face on it! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!

Why This Blog Exists

This blog exists because of Entourage.  Specially the new Entourage movie trailer.
This Entourage movie trailer:

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Ben
BRO ARE YOU NOT FUCKING HYPED.  ARE. YOU. NOT. FUCKING. HYPED.

Siya
I’ve never had the temptation to be curious about cocaine… until this very moment.

Ben
YOU DON’T NEED IT BRO, YOU JUST SNORTED TWO MINUTES AND TWENTY SEVEN SECONDS OF PURE, UNCUT COCAÍNA THROUGH YOUR EYE HOLES.
VINNY CHASE IS BACK BABBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYYY