Stop reading. It’s past 10:30. That’s bad for your optics. Cover your eyes, like the Ocean over Aaliyah’s memories of Isley eternal. Just press play/repeat.
1st of all, let’s get one thing straight. NOBODY likes avocados THAT much. We put up with them, for the guacamole. That’s really about it. Ben pointed out with a Potato Of The Day 47 how Big Avocado is hard at work in the slimy, disgusting business. The ruse clearly got to THIS toddler. Here’s several reasons why I call B.S. 😉 on this reaction:
a)Kids are anti-veggies AS IS. Don’t believe me? Please, tell me how you would pitch AVOCADO to a kid. Where do you start? Is it the great bland taste? The slimey green nothingness? Hm?
ii) It’s the kid’s BIRTHDAY. Remember those? They came once a year, and the whole world would stop to recognize your existence at least for a song, and until you had no more cake to feed the fake excitement? Despite all the hoopla, it’s fair to expect a TREAT to your desires on that one day. Anything ranging from a toy car, trip to Chuck-E-Cheese (IN THE BAHAMAS), or maybe a U.S. Green Card would be acceptable. But, AN AVOCADO? GTFOH!
3) That kid’s either a future Academy Award winning actor, or he is an informed idiot. He clearly passed the “gratitude test” (which, btw WTF kinda draconian parenting trick was that, DAD OF THE YEAR?). More notably, the kid’s 5 TOPS… WHY and HOW does he know what an avocado IS? AT WHAT POINT in his life so far has anyone brought him THAT useless piece of information? Watch the video and judge for yourselves.
On this day June 16th, 1971 a force was born in East Harlem, NY. He would grow to call himself Tupac, then Makaveli and live forever on the Mt. Rushmore of a Culture, Music, and voice of a restless generation. He was also a phuckin goofball!
“Thug Life” reppin, Death Row, Bad-Boy-Killin, Outlaw is out with MTV for an on-location interview around Los Angeles. When suddenly he spots danger via a familiar killer mean mug from a… BABY. Can’t blame him, though. Chappelle admitted years later, that you only see this in the worst neighborhoods. Watch his reaction and ensuing plea:
This time shooting a promo-spot for the classic Yo MTV Raps. Host Ed Lover is in the background giving pointers, but Pac believes they’re re-casting Scarface. Fun-Fact: Pac was quite the thespian himself, and went to art school where stage-acting was part of the gig. So, he can’t help himself when its reppin time:
Before Run The Jewels was tearing up the festival circuit, there was a solo rapper by the name of Killer Mike who ran with the dungeon family (an Atlanta collective including Cee-Lo’s Goodie Mob, Outkast, and the Sleepy Brown amongst others). Before the millenia of Outkast hiatus, they were arguably the best 1-2 punch in Hip Hop History. But long before all that, on this day of May 27th of some year I could easily research but clearly opted not to an ATLien was beamed onto the Southern half of these United States of planet Earth
He had impeccable wit, out of this world 😉 [get it Ben? Coz he’s an Alien in this piece? Ya Get it?] style, and finesse with words that many have wished to emulate, but no mere humans could duplicate or match. He was bequithed an earth name “Andre Benjamin” to be exact, but would opt for 3 stacks (perhaps a clue to him being 3000 years ahead of all of us). The Whole.World.Loves it when you make that sound! May your home-planet leave you among us for a few more moments and a chance at more funky blues and/or whatever you decide to belch out until then. Happy Dre-Day, 3 Stacks!
Yesterday was my birthday but I didn’t celebrate it.
Let me start this off by saying I normally love my birthday. It’s a great day for pot heads, fans of historical baseball architecture, and the stock price of torture in Hell. There’s a lot of wonderful and a lot of terrible shit that has happened on April the 20th. But also, sometimes it’s Easter, which isn’t cool. Easter is dumb. Rabbits don’t have thumbs. How the hell are they supposed to paint eggs and carry baskets? What an idiotic day. It’s an Albert Hoffman meets Lewis Carroll hallucinatory holiday, a siphoning swirl of tie dyed eggshells and plastic pastel confetti broken up by the nightmare of Jesus’s bloody palms and headless chocolate house pets. Continue reading Ben’s Diary: Yesterday Was My Birthday But I Didn’t Celebrate It
Ben and Siya Blog Shit 