Iggy Azalea Is The Top Rap Artist At 2015 Billboard Awards

Knock Knock…who’s there… Iggy… Iggy Who… Iggy the Top Rap Artist of 2015 according to Billboard, beating out J. Cole, Drake, Nicki Minaj, and Rae Sremmurd

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*sips some water*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*wipes runny nose*
AAAOW MANE!

I needed that! Anyway, that’s all I got.

Iggy, TAKE US AWAY

Turnip Tuesday: Fetty Wap – “My Way” (Remix Ft. Drake)

“they should call me Jaaames, coz I’m goin Harden this bish“

Thank 6-God this happened, for two reasons! One, we’re SUPER ready for the wackest #1 Hip Hop Single since Soulja Boy’s Crank Dat “Trap Queen” to disappear. Two, this puts the young guy past the 1 Hit Wonder stage.  Like the Future and The Beatles Migos will tell ya, Drake remixing your record means radio rotations, dj spins, and digital streams go through the roof.  iLoveMakonnen knows this so much that he might even pee from grammy nominations. That’s what the man does to records with little to no exposure. Fetty Wap doesn’t mind that happening one bit, if you let him tell it.

Madonna On Drake Kiss: “I Kissed A Girl, And I Liked It”. It Gets Worse…

Not gonna lie, this interview format is kinda fresh. Madonna took to her webcam with nothing but a bottle of wine, cheese pizza, and a drastic shortage of phucks to give.

“You asked the million dollar question. I kissed a girl and I liked it.”, on Drake’s kissing abilities.

“Yes, I’d like to collaborate with Barack Obama“, on who she’d like to collaborate with (in music? O_o).

As if that wasn’t bad enough, material girl took more questions from her young (?) fans, and snapped open an umbrella of the coldest shade upon Drizzy Drake Rogers.  With the presumable pinot pourin, as if to say “fuck it, I’m On One!”… When asked “what advice would you give to your younger self, knowing what you know now?” The Rebel Heart bled:

aaand the closest Swagga to the timeless Kanye Shrug goes to:

This Is Our 100th Post But It’s Not A Good One

WE WENT ZERO TO ONE HUNDRED [REDACTED BY SIYA BECAUSE WE BOTH AGREE I SHOULDN’T BE USING THAT WORD EVEN THOUGH IN THIS INSTANCE IT WOULD BE A QUOTE AND MAYBE THAT’S ACCEPTABLE USAGE, BUT THEN AGAIN I DIDN’T ACTUALLY USE ANY QUOTATION MARKS SO IT’S NOT REALLY A QUOTE IT’S JUST ME CO-OPTING HIP HOP CULTURE WHICH IS ARGUABLY PROBLEMATIC IN AND OF ITSELF,  OR PERHAPS IT’S NOT IF I’M NOT MISREPRESENTING THE CULTURE, BUT EITHER WAY THIS WORD HAS BEEN REDACTED AND TALKING ABOUT RACE IS PRETTY FUCKING COMPLICATED] REAL QUICK.

Can you believe it? We’ve done 100 posts. WE’RE KEEPING IT ONE HUNDRED RIGHT NOW. Bask in our Benjamin Franklin, our centennial, our Billboard Chart. No one said we couldn’t do it! But no one said we could either! So this is an in-your-face to our haters the indifferent masses. We’re going to keep bringing you Potatoes Of The Day, and Ben’s Diaries, and Morning Commutes, and oh, hey there Siya, I was just talking about how we’re keeping it 100, and not all just promoting the regular posts that I write. No, no, Siya, you just keep doing what you’re doing, not posting anything on a regularly scheduled basis. Yeah man, it’s cool. People don’t want or expect consistency. Oh, yeah man that listicle post of Aaron Hernandez memes was… great.  Really, it was totally… high-brow. Oh, what’s that Siya, you think it’s a little unfair of me to be pretending to have a conversation with you? You think I could have consulted you first before posting something about our 100th post? You think maybe you could have contributed to this more if you were actually co-writing this piece instead of having your part ghost-written by me? WELL I THINK YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST SENT ME A HUNDRED CONGRATULATORY 100 EMOJIS FOR OUR 100TH POST YOU INSENSITIVE, CELEBRATION HATING ASS.

You guys, 100 posts. THAT’S A LOT MORE THAN ZERO. It’s also a lot less than a million. THIS WHOLE THING HAS ME SO EMOTIONAL THAT I’M GOING TO GO LISTEN TO SOME DRAKE.

Watch Madonna Suck The Life Out Of Drake’s Face At Coachella

What We Know:

1. Coachella Festival is not new to bringing figures back from the underworld to grace the stage once more for younger generations (even though we all know they’re just being skyped in from their Cuban hideout).

2. Drake (28) headlined Coachella this past weekend, and Drake’s been headlining Madonna’s (56) mind for a while now. So, ya know… Drake’s been in the same nether-regions as Tupac. That’s a win-win, right?

3. Judging by his reaction, material-girl just sucked a few more years of life from the 6-God. BLESS UP!

TBT: Timbaland – “Apologize” (Ft. One Republic, SOMEHOW)

Couple Things:

1. Shouldn’t this be FEATURING TIMBALAND? I never got that kind of track-listing. It’s like all those DJ Khaled summer-anthems that were somehow “featuring” T-Pain, Drake, or whoever the hook-maestro of that month is. Timbaland only produces this. NOTHING ELSE. With this logic, should Thriller be Quincy Jones (FEATURING MICHAEL JACKSON)?

2. Is One Republic still poppin’ outchere, or did the fans go One Direction?

3. Ben, that couple sent YOU an invite. Out of all the people they could have wasted a timeless forever stamp on, they sent it to YOU. At the very least, send them a damn Thank You Card, YOU NEANDERTHAL.  The invite to this digital pity-party of yours? I’ll “Decline with Regret”, because its… far past the time to say sorry (there’s gotta be a better way to say that).

Still Processing The One Direction Break-Up? BLAME DRAKE

The real reason Zayn left… actually

This just gets more and more twisted. Drake’s been reportedly stealing several people’s love interests recently (including Lil Wayne and Chris Brown TWICE). Apparently that’s not enough. The love of teenagers everywhere – One Direction – is the latest victim according to sources we won’t name because no free shoutouts. Drake’s latest victim, Zayn Malik has been “listening to a lot of Drake’s stuff. He’s hoping that some of the magic will rub off on him. (His new music is) very slowed down R&B and quite sexual. It’s going to blow fans’ minds”

A lot to process, but nobody’s taking it harder than some of the fellas below:

Potato Of The Day Episode 1

Look at this motherfucking Red Idaho Potato.  Look at it.  I SAID LOOK AT IT.  I found it on my kitchen counter, silently rotting away in the shadows of a never-used spice rack.  See those wrinkles?  Those are the creases of time.  This potato has seen things, man.  This potato has survived.  This potato is an old soul.  He moves for no one.  I Snapped the potato to prove it.  That Red Idaho Potato doesn’t go 0-100, bro.  He’s not Drake.  He keeps it straight ZERO.  That potato is a goddamn inspiration to us all.

Ben threw away this potato immediately after writing this post.  R.I.P. potato.