Turnip Tribute: Aaliyah – “We Need A Resolution” (Ft. Timbaland)

Today marks the 14th Anniversary of a career cut FAR TOO SHORT. If you love to get “2 On” like Tinashe, hit that “1,2 Step” with Ciara, or are all about that “Single Ladies” classic (YEA, I SAID IT, BEY-HIVE. You don’t scare me) – you’re watching shadows of Ms. Hughton. Long before any of these one-name-superstars were poppin, Baby-girl was the gold-standard of finesse, feminism, and swagga that outmatched anyone in the room. Out of all the above comparisons, the best replica that can remind you of everything that Aaliyah was to music, pop culture, and a young fresh uncompromising swag is who Rihanna has grown into being.  For this turn up, her musical guide and mentor Timbaland lays the background for her to paint a perfect audio-visual picture on this ultimatum anthem.

Hi, I’m A Nerdy Feminist And I Really Enjoyed The Ronda Rousey Fight!

Confession: I went to Buffalo Wild Wings and watched people pummel each other for five hours and I have no regrets.

Okay, so a little about me for context.

I am a 25-year old female feminist who advocates for survivors of sexual violence 40+ hours a week, indulges in cynical sarcasm, and maintains an unhealthy obsession with my cat as self-care. In my office, rape is lunch talk. Stalking and harassment are casual hallway conversations. I don’t believe we become numb to it, but we accept it as a reality and move forward from that reality.

I spend my day managing a massive schedule of advocates answering our 24-7, statewide crisis line. During my breaks, I catch up on current events, primarily those related to violence against women and marginalized populations (although I wouldn’t recommend saturating your entire day in interpersonal violence). Of recent, my spare moments are spent reading lengthy articles on Bill Cosby’s victims, rich white celebrities opposing decriminalization of sex work, undercover videos of Planned Parenthood meetings, and quotes from Donald Trump’s lawyer claiming you can’t legally rape your wife.

On Saturday, I consumed a different brand of media: mixed martial arts. This consensual form of beating the shit out of someone was… well, incredibly refreshing! Now, I am not usually one to support violence in any form not only because of my advocacy work but also because I can’t stand the idea of people, animals, or fictional creatures getting hurt (I am still traumatized by Bambi and The Fox and the Hound). At first, I didn’t exactly enjoy this male-dominated, arguably misogynistic sport but then an ass-kicking warrior woman changed everything.

Enter Ronda Rousey.

If you haven’t watched Ronda Rousey end the dreams of Bethe Correia in 34 seconds, you need to do that right now.

If you’ve already watched it, then you’ve already witnessed the utterly amazing feat of human strength that was Ronda knocking out Bethe. Now why on EARTH would someone like ME be endorsing one human trying to bash the face of another human? (Please note: My father once invited his three adult children to shoot clay targets with him. I declined, choosing instead to cover the ears of newly born farm kittens because I worried gunshots would surely induce feline hearing loss).

Why? Because this was the first time I have ever in my life seen a bar full of men covered in buffalo sauce anxiously awaiting a FEMALE sporting event. A room full of MEN watching a WOMAN excel in sports. (I am not entertaining the sexualization of the athletes or the influence Ronda’s drop-dead gorgeous body had on the popularity of this fight. That is a dissertation in itself and we don’t have time for that.) I’d like to instead thank Ronda for being bad ass enough to draw attention to her sport in a way that had a room full of people – from college bros to lesbians – yelling  and cheering her on, regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, or race. Forget the fight, forget the knockout, forget all the spectacle around it. Bringing people together is what’s truly inspiring.

Watch This Confetti-Bombin Femen Bitty Crash A ECB Press Conference

Activism has taken many meaningful forms from our youths yearning for their voices to be heard. From the Chinese youngsters taking a stand on the world-stage, to the tech-savvy Middle Eastern masses of the Arab Spring.  But every now and then some jack-ass believes they’re beyond reproach or disgrace and just GOES FOR IT in a nonsensical tirade with no real objective in site!  They either quickly realize their miscalculation and duck tazers, or double down like thiiis basic-bish attempting a one-person chant. That said, here are some pointers if you must crash a press-op.

Tips On Better Protest:
1. Have a crew (minimum 3). That “End ECB Dictatorship” chant was the saddest part of that footage.

2. Phuck Confetti! Use a glitter-bomb! Have you never been in an art-class, and had your entire day badazzled as a result? Glitter’s way worse! Gotta be smarter than that! That guy Harlem-Shook that confetti off in less than five seconds and was back to business. YOU FAILED. There’s even streamlined services for that kinda attack now!

3.   This almost reminds me of that journalist in Iraq who threw his shoes at then President Bush. Remember that freedom-fighter? He was hoot (probly got hung for it, because Baghdad don’t play that $hit).