Watch German Soccer Coach Publicly Scratch-n-Sniff… AGAIN

The Germans are known for disciplined and no-nonsense etiquette in all they do (including engineering and soccer). The German soccer head coach however caught steam for being not so disciplined in his public hygiene this UEFA cup. What many might not realize is that this isn’t particularly new for the bundes-booger. Here he is in a different setting digging for golden nuggets:

Yup, he ate that. So if its food for him, no biggie, RIGHT RONALDO?

How bout in the most watched sports event on Earth, the World Cup? That too big a stage for the nose rage?

NOPE… BOTH nostrils. TWO TIME!
Noses are getting boring… why don’t we check some other nether-regions? Deo this morning or nah?

Who cares. Phuck ALL YALL! HAIL HYDRA!

 

Watch The Goofiest And Most Awesome TD Celebration Of The Year, Thank Antonio Brown

As Future once surmised, “you do watchu want when you poppin”. Well it don’t get mo poppin than being virtually unstoppable by ANY cornerback  on the field, and  being arguably the best receiver in football (shut up, Julio!). Big Ben knows it when he lobs bombs miles where he knows Brown will reach no matter what, and special teams everywhere better recognize it when they punt to the man. Unless of course they wanna set the mood for Brown and his new found love, the goalpost.

You do watchu want when you poppin

Watch this goofy ass celebration that you should NEVER try at home if you wanna keep your family jewels:

This makes way more sense in cartoon form:

Top 10 Dark Humored Posts For Columbus Day

Here are 10 Columbus Day haters we wanna hate with, but also kinda hate on when their own hate ain’t enough.
{Side-bar/Rant The fact that this is still a holiday nationally recognized of the dude who landed in America by accident is mind-boggling. In fact, he never even SET FOOT on what is now modern day U.S.A.  He landed in the Caribbean… bounced around a few islands, then on later trips hit up Central and South America. Look it up, I don’t work for you!}
Anyway…Internet, HATE BETTER, PLEASE!
Best,
-BSBS

Flashback Friday: Top 10 Durag Moments Of All Time… And A Lie

Ben’s freakin out ALL MONTH about spider eyes which he describes as  “loose remnants of damned human souls” among other things that scare him, and folks again mass shootin again. My birthday is Monday, and I wanna laugh. I’ll laugh at the young me trying sleeping with a durag on to “get them waves on lock”. Then one day, I woke up with the headache those usually come with, and realized “Wait a minute.. I’m African.. My hair’s suPPOSED to be nappy AF. Skip All that!” It’s been nap city every since, on this side! Ain’t no lookin back, baby! Well maybe just this once…

Join me, and take a trip with us down memory lane on this week’s Top 10 Moments In Durag History:

Watch J.J. Watt And Kevin Durant Hilariously Distract Fans’ Life Goals!

“Everyone needs a champ” is the title of this campaign. It’s beautiful, inspiring, and a great way for your sports heroes to show some love back to the 3-5 lucky few of you American Family Insurance picked.  Maybe I’m just being sinister on this Tuesday, but all I saw was “nice concentration on that dance routine, AMANDA – hope you don’t blow it when your heroes bang on the window of your dance studio! OOPS“.  Or maybe, “skate, skate, skate, KRYSTAL – now don’t freak out and crash into your teammates when J.J. Giant trolls you then chases RUSTY down for 26 miles straight”

It’s either that or whatever the intended message was. Check the short clip out for yourself:

Thank New Daily Show Host Trevor Noah, If You’re 1 Of These 3 Americans!

It’s about TIME! Do you realize how many times I have heard you people speak and wanted to tear my hair out??? A lot, that’s how much! This is why I don’t have the dreadlocks I was destined to have.

{Ben’s Note: Woah, woah, woah! What the fuck do you mean “YOU PEOPLE”?}

Here’s a test. Read the following words out loud: “NIKE”… “AUNT”… “ZEBRA”. Easy, right?

If you’re one of these 3 people, you are “YOU PEOPLE”, and I hate you. Fix Yourself:

1. You read the sports apparel name as “ny-kee”. -_- Oh, you did? When did you learn to ride a “bi-kee”, huh? Think this will get a buncha “li-kees” when you share it with your dumb friends on facebook-ee? WELL, DO YA, PUNK-EE?

2. Your parent’s sister is actually a small disproportionately strong insect. She lives in an ant-hill, and serves the collective will of the colony. Why else would you pronounce her title like that?  You should be pronouncing it like the delicious pastry “croissANT”. On another note, French is idiotic too. Way dumber. Let’s just surrender that battle of pronunciation and hope Americans have a plan to help.

3. Ever met a chick named Debra? I bet you did, and thought “I’ll have NO problem pronouncing THAT girl’s name. Debra… Debra Debra Debra Debraaaaa”  Then, you were smacked in the head with a stupid stick, and when you saw this striped animal, your brain forgot how to pronounce her name, and that’s why you should thank my fellow South African, Trevor Noah for restoring your speech and pathology here:

Funny Friday: Why Coffee Matters, Like John Cena

Flashback Friday to this oldie-but-goldie of a prank call. If you don’t laugh even ONCE, I personally promise you $5.

Watch The Donald Impression To Trump Them All, Jimmy Fallon’s

That’s it! Everybody quit while you’re ahead! The Tonight Show will take it from here on out, folks. Stephen Colbert’s Trump was promising, and more subtle…but sorry, Stephen. Leave the Donald to the pros. You may have heard of Trump’s comments on Fox’s Megyn Kelly “bleeding from her you know what” over the weekend. Jimmy wants to set the record straight on that. This here, folks, is about as spot on as Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin. America, can we agree to put up with Trump’s hogwash as long as it provides material for Jimmy to bring us more? Watch, Die, and go to Pun Heaven – you DEVIANTS 😉 :

Who’s The Bigger Troll, Jon Stewart Or Arby’s?

Arby’s KNOWS. They KNOW they’re terrible. They know you know that they know also. They’re not here to impress you! Their slogan is “WE HAVE THE MEATS” and they diaBETE that into your grey meat with the baritone voice of your bad conscious (aka Melvin from “Baby Boy”, aka Golden Globe winner Ving Rhames).  This was a common trope for all things terrible for outgoing political fun-poker, Jon Stewart. Arby’s kinda loved it:

One has to wonder – as The Daily Show comes to an end tonight – were they in on it the entire time? If so, will Stewart or Arby’s ever admit it? Either way, break bread one more time for this last supper with the odd couple in Arby’s hilarious goodbye commercials that aired last night.

May your time among us come to a graceful, yet far too soon and unexpected ending. Arby’s wouldn’t have it any other way 😉 . Mazel Tov, Jon!

Watch Rod Stewart & A$AP Rocky Ruin Their Own Song

You know when a tune you and your friends dig comes on, and that one friend who took one semester of show-choir insists on belting along to Mariah Carey, like she can carry those notes all the way up to the mountain tops Mimi blows to “Touch My Body” from?

[Sidenote: Hey, JANET! THE STEREO IN THIS CAR ONLY GOES SO HIGH. MAYBE IF YOUR PARENTS LOVED YOU, THEY’D HAVE BOUGHT YOU AN SUV WITH A BETTER SPEAKER SYSTEM AS YOUR GRADUATION PRESENT. BUT, WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THEY DON’T – JUDGING BY YOUR SORRY EXCUSE FOR A CAMERA PHONE – JUST LIKE WE DON’T LOVE YOUR OFF KEY BELTING. WOULD IT KILL YOU TO CARRY A SIMPLE HARMONY? YOU DON’T HAVE TO GO CHRISTINA AGUILERA ON US – NEITHER DID SHE, FOR THAT MATTER. SO YOU KNOW WHO SINGS THAT SONG? YEA, LET’S KEEP IT THAT WAY! ALSO, DON’T MISS THIS LEFT TURN, JANET! THANKS]

Well, Late Late Show Host James Corden has that moment from time to time, except when the passenger answers “Me” to the age-old “who sings this song” joke setup…well, you look like a dummy if you don’t let em go for it. Besides, if you’re actually driving Rod Stewart and Lord Pretty Flacko Jodye around… the only thing better than their music, is them ruining their music, right? Miguel, and Mark Ronson WHERE YALL AT?

2nd thought – skit proposal: insist they shut up because you really like this song… then ride around to awkward silence for 4 minutes… I’d watch that ALL DAY!