Screw Your Football Team; Let’s Go To The Movies!

Hello again! I hope you enjoyed the summer movie season. Fall is approaching, and with it the return of flying footballs. Since our popular society is built around the sports schedule, it’s inevitably time for football fans around the world to seek out Bleacher Report-sponsored glimmers of hope before that same false hope takes a steaming shit on their face. Like a massive one. Like one of those shits that will start burning through the floor like the acid blood in Alien. All our teams suck.

For the majority of us whose teams are headed for the inevitable disappointing season (and the swelling group that doesn’t give a fuck to begin with), there is hope! Escape to the movies! Fall marks the start of Oscar Season, where studios release potential award suitors alongside their fading summer leftovers, making it the perfect opportunity to hide away from the pains of sport.

Here’s six movies you can use to escape heartbreaking injuries, the annoying dominance of media coverage, and the sound of Siya gurgling Tom Brady’s balls to check for pressure!