kids

“Everybody’s a winner in P.E.”, they said. “At least you tried”, you might think. “Get em next time, tiger”, you might have heard. WELL NOT IN THE HOUSE OF 2-time Super Bowl Champ and 5-time Pro Bowler, James Harrison you DON’T! Maybe its the training camp, and pre-season Summer heat, or maybe that’s just the guy rolls, but when his kids got an all too familiar pat on the back – he was NOT HAVIN IT. He even shared with the world his #HarrisonFamilyValues :
https://instagram.com/p/6aXCJ2JFi5/

In short, WE.Don’t.Play.THAT. Sorry, BEN! Somebody gotta pay for that life-refreshing Pomegranate! The sweet juice of the gods ain’t gonna find its way to your cup on its own. Want the glory of anti-oxidants, YOU BETTER WORK. YOU READING THIS… YES, YOU (guy in the mirror, too)! As this week starts, no matter how long it takes to get to speed, YOU BETTER WORK. EARN IT!

…sometimes your best is not enough, and that should drive you to want to do better…not cry and whine until somebody gives you something to shut u up and keep you happy.

P.s.
As. L.A. Times reminds us: “Harrison was a college walk-on who went undrafted in the NFL and was signed and released several times before finally making it with the Steelers. He went on to become the league’s defensive player of the year in 2008 and is a five-time Pro Bowl selection.” So if ANYBODY can back that kinda sentiment up, it’s this guy.

cabbagetoy AHHHH YEAH, HERE WE GO! Random throwback on a MONDAY! We rocked an 80s Morning Commute, so why not rock some old school, 80s produce? Yeah I’m talking about CABBAGE, the original inspiration for the original pop culture craze, the Cabbage Patch Kids. Did you know that those vintage Cabbage Patch dolls can fetch hundreds of dollars on eBay? SEEMS LIKE A COLOSSAL WASTE OF MONEY, RIGHT? Especially when you can rock the INSPIRATION for your childhood imagination for SIXTY CENTS A FUCKING POUND! I know this a lot of calculus for a Monday so stay with me you guys, but it turns out you’d save roughly infinity dollars if you purchased infinity heads of cabbage instead of infinity Cabbage Patch Kids. #MINDBLOWINGMATH!

Plus, if you have kids (Which lolz remember being FREE to just live life and do whatever you want? Oh shit, sorry. Don’t get so sad. Hey kids are fun, too! Your genetics are surviving through your offspring! Oh, you adopted? Well… saving lives, right? Right? GIVE IT TIME AND THE NEST WILL EMPTY!) isn’t it much more educational to rock actual cabbage instead of a doll of… well, imaginary cabbage? I mean yeah, it’s probably not the best for a child’s social life to be the kid at school playing with vegetables during recess. But then again, getting kids on board with healthy foods is a very Granola Mom thing to do! DON’T YOU WANT YOUR KIDS TO BE #HEALTHY? Also, have you guys actually ever taken the time to read up on Cabbage Patch Kids? They’re some wickedly demented shit! Here, let’s recap their backstory in one run-on sentence:

Cabbage Patch CHILDREN were discovered by a pocket-knife wielding little boy named Xavier who accidentally stumbled into their unholy breeding patch when he was seduced by a mutant bee/bunny cross-bred monstrosity called the Bunnybee into a deep, dark cave lined with the glistening sparkle of crystal meth and poisonous vine growth where secret babies of organic produce are birthed from the mouths of cabbage heads being kept alive by a steady supply of Bunnybee provided PCP. This is all true.

So yeah, call me crazy, but I’d much rather have my future children play with fistfuls of vegetables, learning valuable lessons about frugality and the inevitable death and decay of everything you love, than to be frolicking around with Angel Dust covered test tube children. BUT MAYBE THAT’S JUST ME.