Ben’s freakin out ALL MONTH about spider eyes which he describes as “loose remnants of damned human souls” among other things that scare him, and folks again mass shootin again. My birthday is Monday, and I wanna laugh. I’ll laugh at the young me trying sleeping with a durag on to “get them waves on lock”. Then one day, I woke up with the headache those usually come with, and realized “Wait a minute.. I’m African.. My hair’s suPPOSED to be nappy AF. Skip All that!” It’s been nap city every since, on this side! Ain’t no lookin back, baby! Well maybe just this once…
I didn’t choose the blog life, the blog life chose me! This can be stressful – especially when your co-writer’s an English major grammar-Nazi:
But, as the saying goes “sticks and stones may break ya bones, but bumblebees will sting the $hit out of your double grammar-queen face”…How’s that, BEN? Does THAT pass your final edit!!! So, when you find your place of peaceful contemplation, and a perpetratin-ass-bumblebee is ALL up in ya… BeezNess, what do you do?
Well, we’re here for you, friendly readers. Here’s a Step by step plan of attack:
1. First pick a tool for the problem:
2. Okay, maybe the tool ain’t enough. It’s one thing to TRAP a bumblebee but, if you wanna walk away with your eyeballs in tact and stinger-free, you better pick a SMARTER tool… So retreat, and dodge like Mayweather:
3. Here we go. This one’s CLEAR. Why? So you can see the buzzing beast bounce around before he pounces at your head like a face-hugger from the Alien movies!
YEA…THATS WHY:
4. Trap him with a paper on top. It was windy out, so I used thin cardboard. This African is takin NO chances. He might hate you at this point, the Lil Bee might even wanna go kamikaze on your family, but when he sees you were setting him free. He’ll thank you:
Salute to King James. It’s no secret that I’m #TeamLeBron, but we gotta pump the brakes on the standom here. This viral graphic has been flooding timelines since it was announced that Lebron would sponsor college scholarships in his hometown. That’s very generously thoughtful and we’re a fan of the kindness, but this here is absolute rubbish. Say it with me, now…Athletes/Celebrities OWE US NOTHING. “The only stat that counts” in comparing these two greats is the NBA championships. PERIOD. JORDAN IS 6/6, LEBRON IS 2/4. So, what Jordan and LeBron do with their billion-dollar earned wealth (Jordan – present, LeBron – future) maybe worth celebrating, but can NOT be used in the already fiery age-old debate about the two.
THAT SAID, we might as well air out some…damp laundry. Sorry, I’m not sorry, BEN and all Jordan-worshipers:
Shaq is enjoying his summer, but does not have Charles Barkley to publicly troll on national TV as he did during the NBA season. So in his time off “gone fishin“, he put out a ‘gram of bait with an interesting debate out there to start off the week:
Scottie beamed on up for the bite. He just can’t get enough of edifying himself as the great we all know he is. But, he poked a very bored bear in literal hibernation:
You may know him for the infamous “Practice Rant“. Sure, that might be the defining clip that sports and pop culture has chosen to go with. But, that’s as fitting of a description of the man’s legacy as summing up President Bill Clinton’s two terms in office with the”I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman” clip on loops everytime he’s mentioned. You’re missing why and how significant the man was to his trade at the time he was active, and the impact he left behind.
That impact resonates to this day in how today’s best NBA Player talks about my favorite of all time pictured above. I’m doomed in 6ixers fandom forever, because of that 2001 Playoffs I watched him, Dikembe, and Larry Brown drag scrubs to the finals against Kobe, Shaq, and Big Phil. Feel free to instagram search “Allen Iverson” to see the pop culture impact AI had on the NBA image-wise from the cornrows, to the tattoos that today seem all too much the norm. Watch Russell Westbrook, 2008 Rajon Rondo, and Kyrie Irving (hopefully next season, since he’s out for his first finals) to see guys who have emulated the tenacity, hard-drive, and relentless doggishness of the point guard position. Like AI – but, perhaps not to such a degree – these guys have paid dearly for that hard play with crippling injuries as they put the team on their respective backs.
THE FINALS ARE HERE! THE FINALS ARE HERE! THE FINALS ARE HERE! Are you fucking ready or what?
It’s been a while since I’ve dove off the deep end into some NBA coverage. But dude… IT’S THE FINALS. LEBRON VS CURRY. MVP VS MVP. Oh man, I’m ridiculously excited. I had to jump back in! In honor of the best two week stretch of the year, here are some key head to head (but not in the literal matchup-on-the-court basketball sense) battles that will decide the NBA Finals. If you possess superb attention to detail you might notice that I’ve listed the Golden State Warriors player first in every title. That’s because they’re the higher seed. It’s also because *SPOILER ALERT* I think they’re going to win the series. Continue reading The 2015 NBA Finals Preview
So much hate flows through the veins on the eve of the NBA Finals. While the most polarizing character may still be Lebron James for some idiots who secretly wish he chose Chicago on “The Decision”, and are just mad he’s ballin so hard that he approaches the top of Mount Jordan with each new game, stat, and season he checks off, this African directs his hatention towards his light-skinned-brethren in the Bay Area. Splash Brother #1, Steph Curry just has life WAY TOO FIGURED OUT, and here’s the proof:
Here’s Steph cooking with his gorgeous wife, Ayeesha. You might say,”So what? Plenty families cook, Siya!”. Okay, but do they cook to the tune of a Drake song with a line dedicated their family’s namesake, that they then meticulously remix to fit said cooking? DIDN’T THINK SO! Drake made it a hot line, they made it a hot song:
Here’s Splash Broseph Stalin at the Warriors practice facility. Forget about the one handed half-court shot. Forget that it was no-look. Forget that it was BEHIND HIS BACK. Forget all that for one second. But, look at that swaggerific strut away from the scene of the heinous crime. As if he does this all day, everyday, and twice on Sundays! Who does this guy THINK HE IS? King James, please attend to this!
Speaking of King James, back when he was in Miami and could afford to be liberal with praise of the young-gunner (while $hittin on Chalmers as was routinely necessary in those days). “THREE HESIS? You a BAD muh*ucka“
… Ofcourse that was before Golden State was even a contender to get in his way of another championship… these days he keeps his respectful distance
Here are the Curries once again. This time they’re under the iron fist of the bed-time-hatin, press-conference-crashin, nap-mongering “Boss Baby” Judge dictator, Riley Curry. The specialty? Chicken curry, ofcourse!
Convinced yet? Curry’s got it all figured out and I hate it.
“Coach drew up the play, and we executed to the best of our ability… (when the team is shooting that well, it opens the floor like that”
That was Lebron’s recap of the play, and the team sure did. What started as a basic pick-and-roll move turned into a typical highlight reel for King James – which had Kyle Koerver (and seemingly the rest of the Hawks) flying away from the paint like kitchen roaches when the lights cut on. Were the Cavs shooting the lights out? Sure. Were the Hawks cheating ahead of expecting a dish to the perimeter from the hyper-aware assist machine that Lebron also is? Probably, but once that train started lugging down the paint in the last minute, it was clear where he was going and Koerver took the “hide yo wife, hide yo kids” approach like “mama, there goes that Monster”. Here it is from a more telling angle: https://vine.co/v/eAVAdjYD3mg/embed/simple
Unfortunately for Atlanta the one guy who had the heart to be present and contest Lebron defensively – DeMarre Carroll – went down earlier in the game after a knee sprain. Anything less than a 100% healthy Caroll will be a distraction at best: to the abuse the Atlanta Hawks are poised to face the rest of this series. Stick a fork in em, the Eastern Conference Finals are already over.
The bromance between best friends King James, and Cliff Paul’s twin is well documented and known in the basketball community. So its no surprise that when Chris tossed up that haymaker over old-man-rivers to oust the defending champions San Antonio Spurs, Lebron could barely hold it together.
“HEY! WTF! THAT’S MY BRO! GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY BRO! (Savannah, let me borrow your phone)”
But, just CAUSE, MAN! BRON LIKES THE GUY – and he was happy for him (and not having to face the Spurs again, seriously – that was brutal last Finals).
King James recalls the story
“I called him from my wife’s phone, he answered like, ‘What’s up?’ I told him don’t say nothing, you’re not allowed to reply, don’t say anything. I told him how amazing he was and how great he was. And I hung up on him. I haven’t spoken to him since. It’s the truth.”
LeBron James is better than you at basketball. Yes, you. The person who has the time to read this short, otherwise meaningless post. LeBron is better at basketball than you are. You might have some hot takes on whether or not LeBron could beat MJ or Larry Bird or whoever, and I don’t care. I don’t care about any of your hot takes. I don’t care about hypothetical fantasies. And I don’t care to entertain stupid thought experiments (okay that might be a lie). LeBron James is better than you at basketball. You are Evan Turner. I am Evan Turner. We are all Evan Turner. And LeBron James is better than us at basketball.
Ben and Siya Blog Shit 