Response: LOL Siya, Those Lions Are STUPID

Siya, let’s talk, you and I. Human to human. Man to man. Did you seriously think those lion videos you posted yesterday would hold sway in my mind? Did you really think that would change anything?  Did you really think you could scare me with footage of glass imprisoned cats? I know those images terrify you, the clawing, the rampant swiping, the chomping teeth. I know you think of the what-ifs, imagining the horrid crimson slush, the sloshing mop bucket water you’d need to clean those children up should a feral feline break free. I know you have nightmares about MGM title card at night. But you know what I see when I watch those hijacked YouTube clips? Some pretty stupid fucking lions. That’s what.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve heard your glass shattering paranoia before. But you know what those lions didn’t do? Break that glass! You know what else they didn’t do? Eat those babies! You know what else they didn’t do? ANYTHING AT ALL! You know how stupid you have to be to spend an entire afternoon flatly pawing at glass? How idiotic you have to be to repeatedly smash your face up again the same window over and over again, each time coming up with nothing but air? How downright moronic you have to be to not understand the futility of each failed attempt, rinsing and repeating over and over again like an amnesiac reading the shampoo bottle in the shower? REPEATED IDENTICAL FAILURES ARE THE DEFINITION OF INSANITY. Those lions are some of the dumbest fucking animals I’ve ever seen. And that’s saying a lot.

The video I posted above is a lion hugging a human. Did you watch that? Did you see how harmless those big cats look? Did you cry? ADMIT YOU CRIED. Those warm balls of love are the exact same animals as the ones you think are trying to eat our youth.

{Siya’s Note: Using the late great Whitney Houston’s timeless human-love music for this propaganda? SHAME ON YOU, Ben. SHAME ON YOU!}

Lions don’t want to eat us, Siya. They just want to be loved. So no, I’m not scared of your lions. Because lions are lonely. Because lions are not uprising against us. But most of all, because lions are too fucking stupid to even realize they’re imprisoned behind glass.

Hey Ben, Know What Else Cats Eat? BABIES. HUMAN BABIES!

We are humans, you and I. Yes YOU, reading this now. We have come a long way from the caves, and through it all we have had to face the wrath of creatures longing to feast upon our entrails. We managed to tame some, and keep others at bay, but make no mistake, folks! Whether it’s today’s cats, or their saber-toothed forefathers before them – coursing in their veins is a longing to fulfill their mandate to dethrone us from the crown of the animal kingdom.

So, when they purr in your laps, they may fool some. When they try to convince us that they’re “just like us” with the aid of OUR human made techno and ice cream, that may convince the more gullible of us. But the REAL humans out there know! Us hard working folks, raising cute babies KNOW the truth.  We have staved off this battle of the beasts since our club-wranglin, mammoth-hunting ancestors brought about agriculture to offer these monsters separate but equal portions of this peaceful planet. It’s clear by the videos below, that these cats are anything BUT benign, BEN! In the words of Marvin Gaye (A HUMAN), WHAT’S GOIN ON? SAVE THE CHILDREN!