Ben’s Diary: I Had To Go To Two Wedding Showers On The Same Day And Thought I Was Going To Have A Panic Attack But I Didn’t

Dear Diary,

This past weekend I had to go to two wedding showers on the same day and thought I was going to have a panic attack, but I didn’t.

In an effort to step up my dickish wedding game, I agreed to go to two wedding showers [Siya note: What the PHUCK is a wedding shower? I thought that was a bridal shower. For women.][Ben note: 1.) Siya, what the actual fuck? How did you get into my diary?  2.) It’s the same thing, only it’s all-inclusive, but not like resorts are all-inclusive, instead like how unisex bathrooms are all-inclusive.] on the same day, for the same couple.  It’s important to mention that I’m really happy for the couple and excited to share in their love and blah blah blah, this isn’t about them.  It’s about me.  THOUGH… indulge me on one important tangent on the groom-to-be who I’ve known for many years: THIS DUDE PUTS SALT ON SOUR PATCH KIDS.  I don’t care who you are, that’s weird as shit.

For most of my adult life I’ve had severe social anxiety which often results in crippling panic attacks.  This can make going to things like wedding showers a huge fucking ordeal for me.  Never had a panic attack before?  1.) Fuck you, you lucky bastard.  2.) Let me describe one for you.

A panic attack is basically like a fine dining experience with a chef’s special menu, only everything being served is pain.  Picture it like such: