Watch The Goofiest And Most Awesome TD Celebration Of The Year, Thank Antonio Brown

As Future once surmised, “you do watchu want when you poppin”. Well it don’t get mo poppin than being virtually unstoppable by ANY cornerback  on the field, and  being arguably the best receiver in football (shut up, Julio!). Big Ben knows it when he lobs bombs miles where he knows Brown will reach no matter what, and special teams everywhere better recognize it when they punt to the man. Unless of course they wanna set the mood for Brown and his new found love, the goalpost.

You do watchu want when you poppin

Watch this goofy ass celebration that you should NEVER try at home if you wanna keep your family jewels:

This makes way more sense in cartoon form: Continue reading Watch The Goofiest And Most Awesome TD Celebration Of The Year, Thank Antonio Brown

Veterans Day Perspective: Protesting Is Patriotic

For a lot of young Americans, Veterans Day, Memorial Day, D-Day, and maybe July 4th is when they’re mostly made aware of what the armed forces do for love of country and why that’s dope. Perhaps, that’s why this short yak caught some wind on the University of Iowa’s Yik Yak (THE most American Yik Yaks of them all, I might add. Go Hawks! Stanzi 3:16 😉 )


While I can imagine the perspective the yakker writer was seeing such a protest from, I can’t imagine a MORE perfect time to protest the Continue reading Veterans Day Perspective: Protesting Is Patriotic

Watch Waka Flocka Do The Weather Well… Then End Hilariously Terrible

Okay… never mind Flocka’s Al Roker impression. We’ll gloss right over that for a second. Never mind his grotesque punography using what I can confirm is one of Ben’s Top 10 Songs EVER to present the weather.

Rain Rain, Go Away

Skip right over that too. Waka came to the boonies of South Carolina to perform at a local FLOOD RELIEF concert. Up and up, right? Sooo given THOSE circumstances, whaaat would be the appropriate response to a “7 Day Forecast”, presidential candidate Waka? -_- Jus… Just PRESS PLAY

Bass Bigot, Michael Dunn Gets Life No Parole For “Loud Music” Black Killing

SHORT version: HE GONE! SUPERBOWL NUMBERS!

Long Version: Barbaric premeditated murder on the basis of our cultural, physical, and even behavioral differences has NO PLACE in today’s society.

[BASBS.COM] We’ll keep fighting for more district attorneys, police departments, and juries across the nation to mirror this protection for human dignity and life. [BASBS.COM]

Fine, Then! Mass Shootings Are The New Norm Now. Cool?

“America is the greatest country in the world… could be the greatest country EVER… if we just (faced some of our ugliness with bravery)”

-Dave Chappelle on Inside The Actor’s Studio

Drafted, deleted, rewrote, and undid the first line countless times before realizing the truth – the ridiculous truth that we as the United States have come to accept in our collective moral stalemate and ineptitude on the elephant in the room.

With one swipe scrollin on my timeline, I landed on “Shooter Reported on College Campus In Oregon, 15 Dead...” and was annoyed. Annoyed that I opened this app in the first place. Annoyed that I didn’t have to open the article to read and know the predictable story line. Mostly, annoyed that this has become an ANNOYANCE… Not even the mass shootings themselves, THE REPORTING on them. WHAT are we shedding light on that we don’t all know and feel strongly one way or the other about already?

https://twitter.com/TheBaxterBean/status/649671656613519360

This is no longer news. Same $hit different day:
https://twitter.com/CassandraRules/status/649659579706556416

We know exactly how the reactions roll out:
https://twitter.com/TheBaxterBean/status/649660509978009600

So, THERE! It has happened, finally. Actually, it’s BEEN happening since Columbine…and Virginia Tech… and Newtown…A LOT. Mass Shootings are the new norm now. Despite the annoyance, I imagine a future where this is NOT an issue any longer and wonder. I wonder what will we say for ourselves. What will future generations say about that idiotic problem the supposedly most civilized and advanced nation in the world had after countless hints, shots, and bodies pointed at the problem while everyone pointed fingers at each other and did NOTHING?

For the record this marks the 45th School Shooting of 2015. It also marks the 145th school shooting since Sandy Hook Elementary in Newtown.

Thank New Daily Show Host Trevor Noah, If You’re 1 Of These 3 Americans!

It’s about TIME! Do you realize how many times I have heard you people speak and wanted to tear my hair out??? A lot, that’s how much! This is why I don’t have the dreadlocks I was destined to have.

{Ben’s Note: Woah, woah, woah! What the fuck do you mean “YOU PEOPLE”?}

Here’s a test. Read the following words out loud: “NIKE”… “AUNT”… “ZEBRA”. Easy, right?

If you’re one of these 3 people, you are “YOU PEOPLE”, and I hate you. Fix Yourself:

1. You read the sports apparel name as “ny-kee”. -_- Oh, you did? When did you learn to ride a “bi-kee”, huh? Think this will get a buncha “li-kees” when you share it with your dumb friends on facebook-ee? WELL, DO YA, PUNK-EE?

2. Your parent’s sister is actually a small disproportionately strong insect. She lives in an ant-hill, and serves the collective will of the colony. Why else would you pronounce her title like that?  You should be pronouncing it like the delicious pastry “croissANT”. On another note, French is idiotic too. Way dumber. Let’s just surrender that battle of pronunciation and hope Americans have a plan to help.

3. Ever met a chick named Debra? I bet you did, and thought “I’ll have NO problem pronouncing THAT girl’s name. Debra… Debra Debra Debra Debraaaaa”  Then, you were smacked in the head with a stupid stick, and when you saw this striped animal, your brain forgot how to pronounce her name, and that’s why you should thank my fellow South African, Trevor Noah for restoring your speech and pathology here:

FINALLY: McDonalds Breakfast Will Be ALL DAY!

Black Bond? HELL NO! World Peace? HIGHLY UNLIKELY. Waking up in time for McDonalds breakfast… or finding enough time to pass by the golden arches in the morning… or your freshman roommate letting you borrow his car to get it before they close? {YOUR PARENTS GOT YOU THE CAR, JEREMY…YOU ATE ALL MY BACON, YOU SELFISH JACKASS!}

Worry about this conundrum no more! It is history. It is done. The wait is over. Hell – the weight on ALL our morning shoulders is over (although you’ll put on more, now).  Without further adieu, it is our pleasure to bring you the most refreshing news to start, continue, or end your day:

Continue reading FINALLY: McDonalds Breakfast Will Be ALL DAY!

NOBODY Loves Avocados Likes This “Grateful” Kid… NOBODY

1st of all, let’s get one thing straight. NOBODY likes avocados THAT much. We put up with them, for the guacamole. That’s really about it. Ben pointed out with a Potato Of The Day 47 how Big Avocado is hard at work in the slimy, disgusting business. The ruse clearly got to THIS toddler. Here’s several reasons why I call B.S. 😉 on this reaction:

a)Kids are anti-veggies AS IS. Don’t believe me? Please, tell me how you would pitch AVOCADO to a kid. Where do you start? Is it the great bland taste? The slimey green nothingness? Hm?

ii) It’s the kid’s BIRTHDAY. Remember those? They came once a year, and the whole world would stop to recognize your existence at least for a song, and until you had no more cake to feed the fake excitement? Despite all the hoopla, it’s fair to expect a TREAT to your desires on that one day. Anything ranging from a toy car, trip to Chuck-E-Cheese (IN THE BAHAMAS), or maybe a U.S. Green Card would be acceptable. But, AN AVOCADO? GTFOH!

3) That kid’s either a future Academy Award winning actor, or he is an informed idiot.  He clearly passed the “gratitude test” (which, btw WTF kinda draconian parenting trick was that, DAD OF THE YEAR?). More notably, the kid’s 5 TOPS… WHY and HOW does he know what an avocado IS? AT WHAT POINT in his life so far has anyone brought him THAT useless piece of information? Watch the video and judge for yourselves.

Calm DOW: 2 Reasons To Ease Fear Of A “Black Monday”

Say it with me: “THIS IS NOT ANOTHER 2008 CRASH”. It is not even close. Natural bear markets are simply not the same as fundamentally and functionally flawed market practices that landed the World Economy in the worst crisis since the Great Depression. Lost Ya? Fine. Maybe Apple CEO Tim Cook, and Donald Trump can help (yea, comin in EARLY with the Donald mention this week – we know you missed it). Here’s a quick 1-2 punch at your unfounded fears of a “Black Monday” (big shout out to Chuck D, and Flavor Flav of course)

  1. Understand CHINESE Economics:
    china econ infograph benandsiyablog

America is currently the largest economy by far nominally (about $18 Trillion to #2 China’s $11).  But, that won’t be true for long. With China’s population sitting around 4 times the size of America’s (1.3 BILLION PEOPLE) and a middle class around the size of ALL  AMERICANS. Put simply, that’s about 350 Million people with more than enough money to survive and buy Nike shoes, and iPhones.  The more of these that are bought by this Chinese middle class, the more stock speculation money investors who bet on that happening worldwide get to cash in on. While, last week we found out that China isn’t growing as fast as your 401K and retirement fund managers might like – this isn’t the end of the world.  As more and more Chinese people move out of poverty into the middle class, China will become the world’s undisputed economic champion – at least for a while. This is inevitable. Managing the road there has proved a challenge for the centrally controlled mixed markets in Beijing, but we’ll get there sometime mid-century one way or another. So, when your favorite Presidential candidate says:

He maybe right about the planning part, but unless he’s gettin ready to quadriple America’s population and spending dollar real quick (watch out, ladies 😉 ), there’s nothing any coming President can do about this rising tide from the east – and really why would you want to?

SO BASICALLY: All speculation is not equal worldwide. China is figuring out how to act with new money. Give it some time, and stop betting on that economy to perform like America’s matured markets… (in bed)  

2. Slippery OIL Prices:
oil price raised benandsiyablog

As China grows and slows (together with all other BRICS countries), they almost form the wake on which the next best markets surf on. So when that Boat slows down, the wake breaks, and fun times come to ugly splashes from all those dependent on sustainable (and more importantly STABLE) Chinese economic growth. Where there is growth, manufacturing plants need to be built and property needs to be bought to house them. That’s usually a result of more things needing to be made in the manufacturing sector for a population that has more income to buy more cars, iPhones, and chocolate, for instance.

Seeing as today’s main source of fuel for continued growth and keeping the economic engine greasy on that is oil, its easy to see how that drives presumed supply and demand. Oil “supply and demand”, however, is based on speculation… speculation that China would continue to grow and need more oil at some arbitrarily expected pace.  This means OPEC (oil monopoly) keeps up the million barrels a day rate of supply, while the real world only needs half that. When that China growth slows down, and they DON’T need as much oil as speculated – market oil prices reflect the lessening demand by pummeling the barrel price below $40.

SO BASICALLY: As the saying goes, “follow the money”. Nothing follows market monies as consistently as oil  and other commodity prices.  Far too often, oil prices follow the fast money (market speculation) so closely that they’ll happily walk into a wall with it, causing even more volatility. We’re producing more of something we don’t need more off. Good for your car fill up price, bad for your retirement plan.
This is a comment on how oil markets work, not on how well your GE, IBM, or Apple is doing. In fact, here’s part of an e-mail from Apple CEO Tim Cook sent to Finance jester, Jim Cramer just this morning:

I continue to believe that China represents an unprecedented opportunity over the long term as LTE penetration is very low and most importantly the growth of the middle class over the next several years will be huge

There you have it! Having a cold, or even a week of pneumonia or mono is not a death sentence. It is manageable. You’ll be fine.
I talked to texted a few investor friends on trading floors across the country watching that fateful “DOW” that was trending twice on twitter this morning, and opened at a negative -1,000 points, and they all agree that after a 6-year bull-run (constant growth), a correction of real stock asset prices was inevitable. Instead of 4-5 million iPhones or Nike Sneakers, China will buy closer to 3 million. CALM DOW! #NoTypo

Dr. Dre Is Never Ever Ever… Making Detox

It’s official, folks. This has been a long on-going in house debate dating back to the days of the BP Radio Show. One person across the blog who shall remain nameless and wrong, claimed

“it’s because Dre records for himself, and him hearing the music is enough satisfaction for him”

While that self-medication might have done it for the good Doctor, this African didn’t buy it.  I’ve always held the belief that Dr. Dre is a musical megalomaniac partly clouded by cocktail of writer’s block, lack of cultural relevance, and being generally too comfortable in his legendary status to take more risks at tarnishing his place on the producer’s Mount Rushmore (next to Rick Rubin, Timbaland, and Pharrell, Swizz somebody else).

Well in an interview this last weekend on his weekly Beats Radio 1 show, Andre Young let loose of the kracken (Mark 1:20):

So… there you have it. “I just wasn’t feelin it” BUY the Compton Soundtrack. Buy some Beats by Dre earphones (eeeeh). But, want Detox? BYE!