Pardon Me While I Search Engine Optimize, Tom Brady

If you came here for content, turn around and get the fuck out now, bro. Because this is allllllll Tom Brady all the time up in here! WE’RE TALKING FOUR RINGS FOR FREEDOM BABY! Tom Brady is a free man. FREE. Minus the cost of lawyers, bitches.

It’s time to celebrate and ride that pretty boy’s coattails. Let’s search engine optimize the fuck out of this blog!

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Ugh, yeah, give me those clicks. CLICK ME GOOD, BABY! CLICK ME SO GOOD. CLICK ME GOOD-ELL!

Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell Roger Goodell.

THAT’S RIGHT MOTHAFUCKERS, GOOGLE THAT SHIT. COME TO PAPA. YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT. DON’T DEFLATEGATE ME, DARLING.

Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate Deflategate.

Ugh, didn’t that feel nice? You want more? YOU WANT THESE FOOTBALLS, DON’T CHA? DON’T YOU WISH YOUR BALLGHAZI BLOG WAS OPTIMIZED LIKE ME (DONTCHA)?

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NFL! Courts! New England Patriots! Victory! Super Bowl! Cheaters! Scandal! Deflated! Footballs! Ball boys! Appeal! Suspension! Four Games! FUCK YEAH, THAT’S THE GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE, GIVE IT ALL TO ME. GIVE ME ALL YOUR KEYWORDS YOU DIRTY FOOTBALL CHEATING FUCKBOYS!

I’mma go tag the shit out of this post now. TOM BRADY, BITCHES. Tom Brady.

Potato Of The Day Episode 88

Piercing sky, the monster rises, decorated in spiked skin and thorny crown.
In between buildings, we run, weaving in and out, avoiding crumbling debris.
Near the end of the street, she trips, falling over forgotten looted score.
Enter the monster, looming above, spraying sweet citric acid in dripped arch.
Armed with nothing, I jump forward, shielding her from sight and spray.
Pressed close behind, she stays, muttering hushed prayers in the sticky rain.
Peering down, the monster sheds, sharp shoots flying from its flowered crown.
Leaf spears flutter our direction, razor-edged, threatening decapitation.
Enough wind, or luck, pushes danger away, shoots colliding into nearby walls.

All goes quiet in my ears as dust erupts, smothering us in cloud, a dirt shield.
The monster stays, standing in ominous stillness, stretched up like tropical air.
Then, sans warning, a jet appears, flying fast, low, targeting the giant’s head.
At once, the jet fires, unleashing a barrage of thin, pointed wooden missiles.
Chunks of monster plummet, landing in spongy splashes, rods still attached.
Kneeling no more, we collect and rise, biting monster meat, our victory feast.